Desire

In 2019 I found myself single, for the first time in 9 years. I vaguely remember someone saying “You can do whatever you want now!”, and after 9 years of being in a toxic relationship this idea seemed so foreign to me.

What did that look like? What do you mean I don’t have to ask for permission. This floor is so pretty, you mean it’s not made of egg shells? I won’t be waking up with anxiety every day? This is what freedom feels like?

Except none of this was actually true. For the first 2 months of our separation, he was stalking me. Something to this day he would probably still deny. Up until the last time we spoke, he still tried to gain control over me, using Boots (my dog) as his weapon of choice.

And for the years that follow, he still had control over me, let me explain.

I know I am safe. I know I am in a very loving, healthy relationship. I know that I have the freedom to be myself and I will be loved deeply for it.

But sometimes, my nervous system doesn’t believe that. I get triggered back to a place of anxiety and “doomsday scenarios”.

So when I was told “You can do anything you want now”, my nervous system said “Ya, and at WHAT COST?” Because I was so used to being punished for doing things I enjoyed. Or I could enjoy them for a while, but then they were taken away “We don’t have the money for that.”

I had to do a LOT of digging and emotional work to really reconnect with what it was that I desired for my life.

At first, I just knew that I wanted it to be better than it was. I wanted my happily ever after.

And as time went on, I began to get really clear on what that would look like. I also practiced gratitude for what I did have: My sovereignty back.

There were times I pulled the plug on my happiness, and reverted back to old patterns of binge eating and couch surfing. Because the stories came up that I wasn’t good enough, strong enough or worthy of the life I truly desired.

There were days when I would go and explore, learning more about the world around me, because I knew I owed it to myself to at least try.

To say that first year was a roller coaster would be putting it lightly.

When I was disconnected from my desires I was: *grumpy, frumpy, lazy *sad, depressed, feeling like a “shell of a person” *rejecting all forms of help, but then being upset that I was alone *creating friendships based on co-dependancy *rejecting compliments or gifts *walking with my head down *numbing out with netflix, wine or weed *feared others judgements of me *was jealous of others getting what I wanted

When I REMEMBERED what my desires for life were, my life began to change drastically: *I was happy and actually <genuinely> smiled *I began to work on my physical health AND my mental/emotional health *I started to dress in clothes that made me feel good *I instated “Self-care Sundays” *I unfollowed people who made me feel yucky about myself, or who were “negative nancy’s” *I sought HELP in the form of therapy, and coaching *I learned to work through my triggers, and how to love and accept all parts of me *I became very aware of what my patterns were for “self-destruct mode”

NOW, I am living the life of my dreams, and I know it is only going to GET BETTER over time!

NOW, I am in a secure, healthy relationship with myself.

NOW, I have boundaries and standards which allow me to live as my fully authentic self.

NOW I seek help when I need it.

And NOW I have the tools to be the true leader of my life.

And its available to YOU too!

I recently launched my program Calibrate and not only do we talk about Desires, but if you are looking for:

If you are looking for:

*Intimate, freeing, passionate exploration of your soul *Rediscovering WHO you are, under the masks, and revealing your authentic self. *A feeling of safety AND expansion, to trust yourself EVEN WHEN it makes no sense. *Amazing relationships, a joy filled life and unlocking your door to all your DESIRES

Join me in Calibrate!!

There is still time to hop in. I’ve also decided that when you purchase this program, you will recieve:

*1 week FREE private coaching

*the ability to roll it into a private coaching package (should you desire to continue with me)

*LIFETIME ACCESS to all modules!

I know what this work has done for me, and what it continues to provide for me. I WANT THAT FOR YOU TOO!

When you are ready, it’s YOURS.

Send me an email with the subject line "I'm Ready!" to grittygracefullife@gmail.com to get started!

Or visit https://briestreker.wixsite.com/gritandgrace/service-page/calibrate to claim your spot!