If I only knew then...

As I was journalling this morning, I was exploring my happiness, my excitement, my joy!

With being in the beginning stages of wedding planning (we JUST set a firm date!) I couldn't help but reflect on this time, 5 years ago.

5 years ago, I was less than a month away from my wedding day. I felt alone, confused, and although I felt "excited", deep down I knew something was off..but I chose to ignore it.

I felt that I was too far in. To committed. To scared. I had no idea who I was as a person, and he became all that I knew. I didn't feel safe to walk away. I didn't feel safe to stay. I was overwhelmed because I was doing everything to prepare for OUR day. And while he did have some input (which was mostly about money), I became very stressed out. They say wedding planning is stressful - but it doesn't have to be.

5 years ago I was in the COMPLETE wrong relationship. My soul knew it, my heart knew it. Even deep down, the co-dependency knew it. If you know my story, you know that I was in a trauma-bonded, emotionally, verbally, and financially abusive relationship. You are aware that there were addictions present. I am not making excuses for him, I am simply stating facts. I also feel I need to address that I didn't show up as my best. I would often go quiet, as a way to protect myself, instead of communicating my feelings. I had walls up that were sky-high and impenetrable. I withheld sex because I wanted to punish him for getting drunk the night before. Yes, while it is true that I was in an abusive relationship with a narcissist, I would be a fool to think I had no part in it.

So, why on earth am I sharing this with you?

I truly believe that I was put on this path for a reason. To be a guiding light for someone, that it gets to be better.

It gets to be better than being emotionally manipulated and abused at 2 am. It gets to be better than hearing your soon-to-be husband whispering sweet nothings to another woman. It gets to be better than waking up in the morning, after crying yourself to sleep for the 5th night in a row. It gets to be better than counting bottles to see how much he drank the night before. It gets to be better than reaching out for help, and receiving "I don't think he has a problem." It gets to be better than going to marriage counselling alone. It gets to be better than walking down the aisle, terrified - after hysterically crying in the limo for 20 minutes.

Let me tell you what I have experienced in the last 28 months.

* Really hard nights, crying because I finally took the time to heal my heart.

* Days where all I could do was try to survive the day.

* Nights where I cried myself to sleep in gratitude because I was finally safe.

* HOURS of personal development, spiritual work/healing, meditation, journalling and self-love.

* Re-discovering who I was as a person, what my desires were, what I truly desired from my life, and a relationship.

* A noticeable shift when I start showing up different for MYSELF - treating myself to flowers, luxurious candles and crystals, and connecting with my heart to follow its true desires.

* Attracting all the wrong men, to show me my misalignment's.

* Healing heartbreaks and learning the lessons, and each time brought me more into alignment with my soul,

Until one day, I became perfectly aligned with my soul mate. My ONE. My ONLY. The man whose puzzle piece fits mine, but I feel more free than when I was single.

The man who communicates openly, honestly, vulnerably. The man who is my rock - but knows that I am first and foremost my own rock. The man who supports my dreams, cheers for my dreams. The man I desire to make happy for the rest of my life.

This is possible for all of us, and it is my desire to see so many beautiful soul-connections pop through!

If you are finding that you are struggling to find your "one", I can help. Through focused healing and alignment. Through connecting to your soul, will you be able to connect to his. If you are ready to begin, I am ready too!

And if you have already found your ONE, know that I am happy dancing over here in excitement for your journey to continue to unfold!

I have openings for 1-1 private coaching available!

Click here!

Sending love and light,