Overcoming Resistance: How to connect with your emotions to enable growth
- Brie Streker
- Jul 5, 2022
- 3 min read
5 Tips to emotional resilience
Emotional resistance usually boils down to one thing: fear. Fear of change, fear of abandonment, fear of ______.
From a scientific standpoint, we have 2 "sides" of our brain: our "Elephant" who represents our emotions; and our "Rider" who represents our rational side.
Jonathan Haidt, a social psychologist, introduces the Elephant and the Rider metaphor. Haidt says that "our emotional side is the Elephant and our rational side is the rider. Perched atop the Elephant, the Rider holds the reins and seems to be the leader.
But the Rider’s control is precarious because the Rider is so small relative to the Elephant. Anytime the six-ton Elephant and the Rider disagree about which direction to go, the Rider is going to lose. He’s completely over-matched.”
I am certain you can see how easily resistance is formed. It's like spinning tires in mud with no tools to get out. When we can get the Elephant and Rider moving toward a common goal, we can release resistance and create change.
“Changes often fail because the Rider simply can’t keep the Elephant on the road long enough to reach the destination.
The Elephant’s hunger for instant gratification is the opposite of the Rider’s strength, which is the ability to think long-term, to plan, to think beyond the moment (all those things that your pet can’t do.) … To make progress toward a goal, whether it’s noble or crass, requires the energy and drive of the Elephant.
And this strength is the mirror image of the Rider’s great weakness: spinning his wheels. The Rider tends to over-analyze and over think things. … A reluctant Elephant and a wheel-spinning Rider can both ensure nothing changes.
But when Elephants and Riders move together, change can come easily.” Switch: How to Change Things When Change Is Hard, Dan Heath and Chip Heath
Through understanding, loving and accepting both sides of our brain, we can begin to build a beautiful relationship with our emotions and harness the power of the elephant with the intelligence of the rider! Read on for my top 5 tips to give direction to the rider, motivate the elephant and create your unique path!
Tip #1 - Identify how resistance shows up in your life
We can do this by identifying how we show resistance. Where do you make yourself feel WORSE, instead of better? Where do you react from emotion (ie sending THAT text, abandon your hobbies, said yes instead of no, didn’t speak up, ignored your boundaries etc.) Where do you justify your decisions with logic (buying something and explaining the cost; going on a date with someone (even if you don’t want to and justifying why).
Tip #2 -Let yourself FEEL your feelings, accept them as they are.
This process isn't about making your feelings wrong or bad. It is about loving and accepting all parts of you, and to create HARMONY within yourself. This is where Shadow work is an incredible tool, one which I offer in my private coaching packages.
"The rewards are profound. Shadow work enables us to alter our self-sabatoging behaviour so that we can achieve a more self-directed life." Connie Zweig
Tip #3 - Identify your WHY
Why do you feel the need for change? What is your BIG WHY - this needs to be something that will keep you going NO MATTER WHAT.
*Where do you tend to live life on autopilot?
*What are you afraid of losing? What will you gain?
*Accept the situation for what it is, and identify your choices.
*What is the alternative?
Tip #4 - Look for proof
It is easy to believe that certain things are just not possible for you. Start to notice Social Proof:
- that mom who earns $xx from home, like you desire.
- the woman on your facebook who found her soulmate.
- the friend that is a digital nomad and is travelling around the world.
Whatever it is that you desire, look for proof from others that it is possible for you too. Notice any judgments that come up, and have a conversation with those parts of yourself.
Tip #5 - Surrender to the Universe
We aren’t inherently lazy or resistant to change, we are simply exhausted by trying to “force” things to happen, and force change all the time. Breaking patterns is hard work. Learn to develop trust that it will happen, and this happens by SURRENDERING to the process.
Hold hands with your fear, and walk forwards.
Fear does NOT need to lead to spinning wheels, frustration and stress. When we can learn to hold our fear, do the inner work and walk forward on our path, we will inevitably align to our desires. In my program Calibrate, this is just ONE of the topics that we dive into! To learn more click below! There are some pretty awesome bonus' available with it!
Or if you are interested in private coaching with me:
I would love to hear what you think! I invite you to leave a comment below this post.
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